A concerned citizen wants Pendleton, Oregon to add smelly farts to the city’s nuisance code. If you think I’m high from too much Sour Diesel and are wondering what the hell flatulence has to do with cannabis, bear with me, it gets good (and, of course, weird).
In the wake of Oregon passing a recreational cannabis act last November, the city of Pendleton recently updated its nuisance ordinances to include a fine of up to $500 for allowing cannabis odors to waft from your property to someone else’s. While cannabis connoisseurs like yourself probably enjoy Toucan Sam-ming your way along an invisible yet pungent cannabis path, some of the city’s residents aren’t loving the dank odors as much. One person complained that the smells emanating from a medical marijuana grower next door were clinging to his house, car, and clothing, which influenced the city council’s decision to implement the fine.
If you think it’s somewhat absurd to be fined for your inability to prevent a smell from spreading beyond the invisible barriers of your property line, you’ll appreciate the efforts of a clever individual named Peter Walters. He wrote a letter to the editor of the East Oregonian praising the new ordinance and asking the city council to turn its attention towards another “offensive smell [plaguing the] community: farts.”
Here’s his letter in all its silent-but-deadly glory:
It was with great relief Thursday when I read in the East Oregonian that Pendleton’s city council took the time to pass an amendment to the city’s nuisance ordinance banning marijuana odor. Clearly, there has been no issue of greater importance facing the city. Now that this important work has been completed I hope that the council will move on to restricting the other offensive smell that plagues our community: farts.
While farting may be legal in Oregon, many (including myself) are offended by the flatulent stench. Too often, homeowners and businesses fail to contain farts to their property, forcing the rest of us to put up with the smell. Some habitual farters argue that they need to fart for medical reasons but that doesn’t mean my kids should have to smell their farts. The city council should stop looking the other way and pretending not to notice.
I’m not even going to talk about intensity of farts. After all, as Pendleton police Chief Stuart Roberts put it: “It’s a very subjective standard in terms of whether people are offended by [smells] or not.”
This issue greatly affects me as I have a roommate whose recreational farting has been negatively affecting my quality of life for several months now. He claims that he is taking steps to mitigate the odor after I contacted the authorities. But unless our elected officials add farts to Pendleton’s nuisance code, it’s as if he who smelt it, dealt it. I call on our city council to set aside all other work and address this problem.
I think we can all agree what the real issue is that’s plaguing Pendleton. There’s a stale wind blowin’, all right, but it’s not the reefer, it’s the beefers.